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Let's further hone your skills and get down to the nitty gritty by looking at sentences.
A good way of adding words that "show" rather than "tell", especially if you are having trouble just coming up with adjectives on the spot, is to try this strategy:
Whenever you introduce a noun (a "thing") in your story, stop and ask a few questions about it, as if you were someone saying "wait – hold up a minute – I want to know more about this!"
For example, in my story I began a sentence with "My grandmother entered the room."
_Immediately, I stop and ask myself: What does my grandmother look like? What colour is her hair? How does she walk? What is the expression on her face? _
These questions will prompt you to imagine the answers, and you will quickly come up with something like this:
"My frail and ancient grandmother, stooped and grey, shuffled into the room."
From these examples you can see how adjectives allow you to create an atmosphere, a feeling, to your story. All you needed to have done was added adjectives and then reshuffle the words around to make sense!
Let's look at some examples of 'showing' sentences related to the beach:
| Item | Description – The Beach |
|---|---|
| Setting – Physical Environment | Pristine clear blue waters that reflected light like a well-cut sapphire, Layers of grainy sand that sunk under your feet, Clashing waves that enveloped each other, one by one, like foam blankets, Sun beamed heavily, making each grain of sand burn like miniscule volcanic rocks, The cove opened wide to a half oval welcoming the sea which lapped gently along its shore, As you peeped through the almost transparent water, miniature grey fish darted from one side to the other of the rock pool like soft dusty clouds being blown in the wind. |
| Setting – Social Environment | Nearby shops sold an assortment of delicious and mouth-watering treat – flame grilled chicken cooked outside and handmade orange sorbet made with ripe orange rind, Children chased each other shrieking in delight when they were caught while their parents reclined on colourful beach chairs devouring cool drinks straight from the Esky cooler, As the crowds descended onto the sand, families were literally on top of one another. Only a small 50 cm gap separate one from the other and your conversations could be easily audible by four other surrounding families, The boy wore a tight black wetsuit with green stripes on the side. In that instance, he resembled a wet seal that emerged from the water only wanting to get back in again, Two children gathered sand in wore-out buckets and packed them against one other in odd-looking sandcastles. They decorated these so-called sandcastles with shells but the result was a malformed and dense lump of sand and miscoloured shells. |
| Swam/swim or water related | Propelled his arms in the motion of backstroke, Glided his arms like an eagle under water, Smacked his belly on the water causing ripples that could be felt a metre away, Lurked under water patiently waiting… |
Now let's do a similar activity related to a doctor's visit.
| Item | Description –Doctor's Visit |
|---|---|
| Setting – Physical Environment | |
| Setting – Social Environment | |
| Getting a medical examination… | |
| What the doctor is like… |
Key Rules to remember:
Now it's time to do your assignment.