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Hi there! You wrote an essay and writing improves with practice and feedback. Students who start with low scores can definitely improve to get very competitive scores. Your video feedback will be shown on this page separately and for now, here is your weakness report. These are major areas where you’re losing marks:
If unsure about the spelling of a word, substitute it and use another word that you can confidently spell. A common mistake is the word “OK”. In correct spelling/ grammar, the word should be capitalized “OK” or as “Okay” but not, “ok”.
Arguments should be clear as to what they are and nonsense or illogical arguments are avoided. For example, “Although this may be the case, if humans keep on clutching breaks, then they will soon realize that computers are starting to do more additional work than humans; and humans are becoming more lazy than tired.” It’s unclear what this argument is and such a sentence should be removed from the piece altogether as its removal would improve clarity. Circular arguments should also be avoided.
There should be a good variation of words used. Repetition of the same words can make a piece appear dull but be careful to make sure substitute words selected are appropriate.
Awkward expression can be avoided by rewording sentences. For example “This is why reality shows are existing till this very day” should be “This is why reality shows have stood the test of time.”
Persuasive writing requires formal language and informal language or language not suitable for the genre should be avoided. Try to write in 3rd person and avoid writing in 1st person. For example, don’t write: “I think that smoking should be banned” and instead write: “Smoking should be banned because…” We also don’t generally need descriptive language in persuasive writing. Just tell it as it is.
Now that you know the areas where you’re LOSING MARKS, what’s next?
Well done and keep on writing! You’re making an amazing effort!!
Total score: 6.61 / 10Based on this score, we consider this essay to be not competitive for the exam.