School sports create competition and rivalry
by Horace Tan




Word count: 0
submitted 4 months ago

Improvement tips/feedback for this essay

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submitted 3 months ago by Exam Success

submitted 3 months ago by Exam Success

Hi there! You wrote an essay and writing improves with practice and feedback. Students who start with low scores can definitely improve to get very competitive scores. Your video feedback will be shown on this page separately and for now, here is your weakness report. These are major areas where you’re losing marks:

1. Grammar

Spelling

If unsure about the spelling of a word, substitute it and use another word that you can confidently spell. A common mistake is the word “OK”. In correct spelling/ grammar, the word should be capitalized “OK” or as “Okay” but not, “ok”.

2. Thought Quality

Argument clarity & sense - avoiding nonsense or illogical arguments

Arguments should be clear as to what they are and nonsense or illogical arguments are avoided. For example, “Although this may be the case, if humans keep on clutching breaks, then they will soon realize that computers are starting to do more additional work than humans; and humans are becoming more lazy than tired.” It’s unclear what this argument is and such a sentence should be removed from the piece altogether as its removal would improve clarity. Circular arguments should also be avoided.

3. Expression

Word selection repetition

There should be a good variation of words used. Repetition of the same words can make a piece appear dull but be careful to make sure substitute words selected are appropriate.

Sentence employs correct English and worded well

Awkward expression can be avoided by rewording sentences. For example “This is why reality shows are existing till this very day” should be “This is why reality shows have stood the test of time.”

Language used

Persuasive writing requires formal language and informal language or language not suitable for the genre should be avoided. Try to write in 3rd person and avoid writing in 1st person. For example, don’t write: “I think that smoking should be banned” and instead write: “Smoking should be banned because…” We also don’t generally need descriptive language in persuasive writing. Just tell it as it is.

Now that you know the areas where you’re LOSING MARKS, what’s next?

  1. Watch your video feedback and any masterclass videos (if your selected plan includes masterclass videos). This tells you what to do and how to improve on your weakness areas.
  2. Make a note of what should be done to improve your essay (and therefore improve your score for next time).
  3. Then, do your next essay, making sure that you carefully craft your essay to include all the feedback you have been given and to make sure mistakes aren’t repeated.

Well done and keep on writing! You’re making an amazing effort!!

Rank

Total score: 6.61 / 10

Based on this score, we consider this essay to be not competitive for the exam.

Major Weak Points


Grammar

Spelling - 1.0 / 10

More than 4 spelling errors detected.

Thought Quality

Argument clarity & sense - avoiding nonsense or illogical arguments - 1.0 / 10

1 or more arguments are nonsense or illogical.

Expression

Word selection repetition - 1.0 / 10

More than 7 instances of unnecessarily repetitive words.

Sentence employs correct English and worded well - 1.0 / 10

More than 9 instances of awkward expression.

Language used - 4.0 / 10

2-3 instances of language not appropriate for the genre used.




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