Check out the full essay by Rishi on the following question below:

QUESTION 01 - I had finally got it

Write a creative piece to the following prompt: I had finally got it.

I Had Finally Got It by Rishi

Plot: Going onto the grand finals for soccer
P1: James is happy because there's only one minute until it starts
P2: Opponents start cheating
P3: Opponent steps on the goalkeeper's hand
P4: James' team wins

There was no one in the world that was more happier than James. He had brought his team from the bottom of the ladder to the top. His team, South Eagles F.C, was not a very good team until he had joined. James made his team win all the matches they played. He wanted to do it again.

The match started and the opponents, South Star F.C. They got the ball and run up through the middle. Sam took the ball off one of the opponents but as soon as he started running another player came from be hind and slid. Sam tripped and lost the ball. Every one on South Eagles F.C kew that the opponents were cheating but they also knew that if they cheated, it wouldn't help them either.

The opponent ran with the ball through the side as fast as a speeding bullet. Another opponent ran up to the goalkeeper and stomped on his hand with the studs . Jack screamed louder than an angry elephant. Jack coped with pain and kept on going. Now they were really angry. James finally had the ball and took it up the field as fast as the speed of light.He flicked it over his head and belted as hard as a crocodile's bite into the goal.

They had finally done it, they had finally won the grand finals. At the end of the game the South Eagles F.C got a large trophy and James got the man of the match. Every player in South Star F.C got banned because of their cheating. At the end of the day every one was really happy, especially James.

Word count: 312

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submitted 7 months ago

Rank

Total score: 5.62 / 10

Based on this score, we consider this essay to be not competitive for the exam.

Major Weak Points


Expression

Tone creation and balance - 1.0 / 10

Piece solely tells or is solely descriptive.

Irrelevant information - 1.0 / 10

More than 7 inclusions of irrelevant information.

Sentences with sufficient word usage - avoiding blunt sentences - 2.0 / 10

4-6 instances of blunt sentences or sentences lacking in sufficient words.

Economical sentences - 2.0 / 10

4-6 unnecessarily verbose sentences.

Structure

Resolution (Final paragraph) paragraph ordering & storyline progression - 1.0 / 10

Does not flow from previous paragraph OR presents more than 1 resolution. Does introduce something new.




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