QUESTION 001 - The Discovery

Write a narrative (story) based on the idea of “A discovery”.

Your story may be about a new scientific discovery. It may be the discovery of a hidden secret or a hidden place. It may be the discovery of traits in someone who you thought you knew well.

Put thought into how you will:


The Amazing Discovery
by Dhiren

This morning I woke up and thought something. I was 95 years old and I had just 1 day left. So I somehow managed to manoeuvre myself and get to my desk. I took out my journal from the draw. I decided the last thing that I’d do would be to remember my fantastic adventures. I opened up to the first date:
1943, 15 June; “Today I set sail from my constricted home and started a new adventure. I built a new laboratory and started calling it home. I knew what I was going to do first. Everybody calls me “Crazy Joe” because I’m always full of crazy ideas. But my real name is Joe Day and I have a marvellous plan to strike it rich.”
1943, 8 July: “I tried many different ways to invent the amazing time machine. Nothing I did worked, but people tell me all the time I never know when to stop, and I guess they’re right!”

1944, 9 July: “I’ve been working on the time machine for a year now. I have gotten part of the chemical reaction I’ve been waiting for. I guess using things like sulfer, oxygen, hydrogen, argon, nitrogen, carbon dioxide, helium, methane, krypton, hydrogen,ground bismuth, iron scraps, water, soil, Clay, lava, grass, wood and leaves do kind of work. But I’ll need to keep working.”
1954, 27 November: “I’ve been working for ten years now I have finally made it and I’m going to go back in time to the dinosaur age. This is all going as planned!”
1954, 29 November: “I just came back to the present and something terrible happened. A velociraptor bit my left arm off! But don’t worry I’m right handed so I can still write in this log book.”

1994, 30 December: “My business has been thriving for forty years now! My left arm was a painful loss but all this money compensates for it!” At that moment, in the present, I thought to myself,
“What am I doing just reading this right now?!” I took my pen and wrote
2018, 2 January: “I died”.


Word count: 361
submitted over 5 years ago

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1 solution

Rank

Total score: 6 / 10

Based on this score, we consider this essay to be average for the exam.

Major Weak Points


Ideas

Storyline selection - main event - 4.0 / 10

Story does not have one clear main event. Reader CANNOT answer the question easily "what is this story about?"

Story clarity & sense - avoiding nonsense or illogical stories - 4.0 / 10

40-100% of the storyline is nonsense or illogical.

Cohesion

Irrelevant information - 4.0 / 10

5+ inclusions of irrelevant information.

Text structure

Resolution (Final paragraph) paragraph ordering & storyline progression - 5.0 / 10

In separate paragraph, but does not flow from previous paragraph OR presents more than 1 resolution. Does introduce something new.

Main event (2nd or 3rd) paragraph ordering & storyline progression - 5.0 / 10

Main event must be present. It could be in a separate paragraph or not and it may or may not flow from previous paragraph OR flow to next paragraph well. May be cluttered through inclusion of more than 1 point.




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